I. Developing intercultural-intimate relationships: invisible challenges

A. Different cultural-ethnic membership values

1. Intimacy: very personal or private relationship marked by warmth and familiarity

2. Intimate relationships: romantic, close family, deep friend relationships

3. Individualists: "I" identity, personal privacy and relationship privacy            

4. Collectivists: "we" identity, family and ingroup network connection       

B. Different expectations of love

1. Individualistic cultures:

a. Most individuals typically "fall in love" first, then marry

b. High U.S. divorce rate due in part to exaggerated individualism

c. In U.S. partners desire to "lose" themselves in romance, then struggle with desire for personal freedom

2. Many traditional collectivists: the meaning of being in love develops over long-term commitment; continue to fall in love after marriage

C. Different expectations of autonomy-connection issues

1. Autonomy: need for privacy and personal space in a relationship

2. Connection: need for relatedness and fluid merging of personal space

3. Independent-self intimate partners: balance this theme as "me-we"

4. Interdependent-self individuals: views "me-we-they-they" juggling act

5. Personal commitment: individuals' desire to continue relationship based on emotional feelings and experiences

6. Structural commitment: individuals consider external social and family reactions to continuing or ending relationship

D. Communication decoding issues for two cultural strangers:

1. Be at least proficient in shared language and everyday slang and idioms

2. Native language speaker must develop cultural sensitivity, knowledge

II. Intercultural-intimate relationship attraction: facilitating factors

A. Perceived physical attractiveness

1. Physical attractiveness: critical to initial attraction

2. Impression formation and interpersonal attraction are interdependent

3. Perceived attractiveness (credibility and attractiveness are judged by the beholder and the culture)

B. Perceived similarity

1. Perceived similarity: degree to which one thinks others are similar or dissimilar to oneself; implies shared views, etc.

2. Intergroup-interpersonal attraction: perceived cultural-racial similarity

3. Positive relationship exists between perceived similarity and interpersonal attraction (more similarity, then more attraction)

4. Repeated contact may increase attraction to dissimilar others                       

C. Self-disclosure

1. Social penetration theory: superficial to deep-layered self-disclosure

2. Involves breadth (topic number) and depth (emotional vulnerability)

3. Self-disclosure increases intimacy, which prompts more self-disclosure

4. Cultural and ethnic differences exist in breadth and depth of self-disclosure (individualists self-disclose more than collectivists)

D. Ethnic identity and self-concept

1. Assimilated, bicultural, marginal identities: outgroup dating tendency

2. The "Romeo and Juliet effect": family resistance increases liking

3. The later the generation in the U.S., the more likely outgroup dating

4. Interracial couples' four stages of "racial" awareness and awakening:

a. Racial awareness: gradual awareness of other's/society's views

b. Coping: struggles and strategies to gain approval from others

c. Identity emergence: announce relationship to ingroups, family

d. Relationship maintenance: hard work in facing challenges

III. Intercultural-intimate conflict: major obstacles

A. Encountering prejudice and racism

1. Intercultural-intimate conflict: antagonistic friction or disagreement between two romantic partners due, in part, to cultural or ethnic group membership differences

2. Interracial couples display obvious visible differences compared to interethnic or interfaith couples, who can choose to reveal or not

3. Racism: power/dominance of a "superior" racial group over "inferiors"

4. Outgroup members' reactions vary, from ostracism to acceptance

5. Family members can also react in these ways

B. Countering racism and prejudice: coping strategies include ignoring, normalizing, withdrawing, educating, confrontation, prayer, and humor

IV. Raising secure bicultural children

A. Raising bicultural-biracial children

1. Majority-group identifiers: children identify with parent from dominant culture

2. Minority-group identifiers: children identify with minority parent

3. Synthesizers: acknowledge and synthesize both influences

4. Dissaffiliates: identify with neither parents' culture background

B. Helping children to develop a secure identity

1. Work out family identity plan early

2. Listen to your children's identity experiences

3. Provide cultural enrichment opportunities

4. Be truthful about prejudice and racism, nurture self-esteem

5. Recognize children will grow up and choose their own path

V. Intercultural toolkit: recaps and checkpoints

To manage diverse intimate relationship issues:

A. Attend to culture-based challenges

B. Be mindful of different expectations regarding communication

C. Be sensitive to family issues, individualistic-collectivistic value gaps

D. Commit to deep friendship with partner as cushion for stressors

E. Accept partner's core personality

F. Learn code-switching with partner

G. Be responsive to emotional tasks in relationship

H. Give emotionally supportive messages

I. Think positively about relationship, and its memories